Friday, 13 December 2013

Lesson 12: The 12 Days of Toddler Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
A whole day of being clingy!

On the second day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy!

On the third day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 

On the fifth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 

On the sixth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Six 'washable' pen stains
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy!

On the seventh day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Seven angry tantrums
Six 'washable' pen stains
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 

On the eighth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Eight 'share' refusals
Seven angry tantrums
Six 'washable' pen stains
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 

On the ninth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Nine demands for CAKE
Eight 'share' refusals
Seven angry tantrums
Six 'washable' pen stains
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 

On the tenth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Ten soggy rice cakes
Nine demands for CAKE
Eight 'share' refusals
Seven angry tantrums
Six 'washable' pen stains
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Eleven shouts of 'No!' 
Ten soggy rice cakes
Nine demands for CAKE
Eight 'share' refusals
Seven angry tantrums
Six 'washable' pen stains
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...
Twelve hours of headache
Eleven shouts of 'No!' 
Ten soggy rice cakes
Nine demands for CAKE
Eight 'share' refusals
Seven angry tantrums
Six 'washable' pen stains
Five separate injuries
Four shitty nappies
Three hours of Peppa Pig
Two piles of washing
And a whole day of being clingy! 


Friday, 6 December 2013

Lesson 11: The Breastfeeding Mafia

Not long after I moved into our new house, I stumbled across a baby group quite by chance when exploring the area. I looked at a sea of new faces and plucked up the courage to storm in with the buggy and pull up a chair. 

"You do know this is a group for breastfeeders?"

Awkward long pause.

And then out it came. The usual defensive outpouring of information and justification: "Ah yes, well I'm no longer breastfeeding him actually but I did, I was just looking for a group to meet some other mums..."

I now feel obliged to tell you that my son was 13 months old by this point. But of course this is irrelevant. Whether he had been 13 months or 13 days old, it would not be an exaggeration to say that I simply would not have been welcome unless I was a breastfeeder.

I did breastfeed my son. For three months. Yay for me. 
They recommend at least six months exclusive breastfeeding though, so I guess this means I only get half a medal? 

If you sense any hint of anti-breastfeeding tone in this post you are mistaken. Breastfeeding is FABULOUS. Breast is best, breast is cheaper, breast is more convenient. I have lived it.

I am a FAN. 

But it can also be bloody hard, and there are times when it doesn't work out. Times when you need support and solidarity from other mums, not looks of silent disapproval when you whip out the formula or offers to speak to yet another breastfeeding peer counsellor before you 'give up,' as if moving on to the bottle is the point at which you fail the motherhood exam.  Times when a quick trip to Boots doesn't make you feel SHIT after you are told "You won't get Advantage Card Points on that, we encourage breastfeeding."

Breastfeeding should be encouraged, of course it should. But having witnessed the extreme pressure on mums to breastfeed I fear we have gone too far. Recent talks of effectively paying people to breastfeed only heightens this pressure. 

So what would I like to see? 

Well for a start I would prefer to see 'Feeding Groups' rather than breastfeeding groups. Can a baby group not allow Breast and Bottle Feeders to interact? Perhaps there is a fear that the Bottle Brigade will start pushing Aptamil Hungry Baby to the Breast Club, and the session will culminate in babies snorting lines of formula with not a feeding bra in sight. Of course now I am just being facetious, but you get my drift. 

I would also like the term 'booby juice' banned. It is breast milk.

The Unmumsy Mum