Monday, 3 March 2014

Lesson 15: 'Having Another One'

'So when are you having another one?'

It's like the unwritten rule in our family. You have two. Because, well, because that is just what you do. I'm one of two, the husband is one of two, our respective siblings each have two of their own.  
 
One is lonely. 
Three is too many. 
Two is just right. Normal.
It's the gospel
 
From the moment Baby One arrived, I was quite clear I didn't want another one. I regularly told anybody who would listen that we had no plans for a second. GOD NO! We would stick at one. I had no desire to do it again, thank you very much...
 
'Oh you'll change your mind!'

Well, Baby One has hit the terrible twos and...(drumroll please):
 
I am thirteen weeks pregnant.
 
Baby Two is in the oven, and once again I have spent most mealtimes with my head stuck down the toilet and most daytimes with a slightly greyish skin tone (on really special days the gift of acne has presented itself, always a pleasure).

On the one hand, I suppose they (the 'others', the Two Children Enforcers) were right - I am, after all, once again With Child.
 
But on the other hand, I fear I haven't really changed my mind at all.
Deep down *whispers* I still have little desire to do it all again.

So why did we get back on the babycoaster? This was, in fact, all planned.

I could bore you with The Complete Works of Second Child Reasoning but ultimately it comes down to The Vision.

What is it that you see when you picture your life in five or ten years time?

For me, there have always been two children in this picture. Two children in the back of the car, two children on holiday, two children at the dinner table...a happy family of four (plus our smelly cat).

I never have a Vision involving babies, simply because (and I'm not even sure if it's excusable to say this) I don't really like babies all that much. Needless to say I haven't been longing for another maternity leave, or deliberating names, or feeling broody watching One Born Every Minute.

But I have been content in our decision that we should start the completion of our family now. LET'S DO THIS.

Said Bun in Said Oven
You see, the ups and downs of those baby years are what shape The Vision of my complete family. Already with my toddler I look back at what has been the steepest ever learning curve of my life so far and I don't regret it.

I just find it all so HARD. Super bloody difficult...*Starts shaking at memory of zero sleep, problems breastfeeding and a loss of all meaningful conversation*...

So have I changed my mind about wanting another baby? Well no, not exactly.

Am I excited at the prospect of this new Being who is currently straining my top button?
Well YES actually. I am excited. This is the start of our new chapter as the family I'd always imagined - and I am going in with Oh So Realistic expectations this time.

Lesson 15: Despite what people tell you, there is no hard and fast rule about Having Another One. Perhaps keep in mind the 'end game' and where you see your family further down the line (had I focused on the whole baby bit, I'm not sure I would ever have done it all again).

The Unmumsy Mum

 

5 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, and thanks for reading :-)

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  2. Huge congratulations! You'll love doing it all again, and then you'll be glad you never, ever have to do it a third time! x

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    Replies
    1. Amen to that, two is where the line will be well and truly drawn!! Thanks for reading :-)

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  3. I could have written this! Am on the upper age limit, way above the upper weight limit, had a painful pregnancy, horrific labour, terrible PND, but always saw myself with two and I can't quite make the decision not to!

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