Friday 21 July 2017

Ten Things I Have Learned in My First Year as a School Mum


1. Schools still smell the same as they did in the 90s. Like PVA glue mixed with cabbage. 

2. It doesn’t matter how nice they are, teachers make you feel like you are ten. You'll want to impress them and, despite being a fully-functioning adult who left primary school decades ago, you will find yourself at parents’ evening sitting on Borrower-sized chairs worrying that you’re about to get told off. Yes, Miss.

3. Your level of parental organisation will have a direct correlation with where you are in the school year. For the first few weeks, when you are as keen as mustard, a crisp uniform will be lovingly laid out the night before, books will be read dutifully in the evening and you’ll arrive at the classroom on time. By July, your child will be dragged out of the door wearing something resembling a uniform (including odd socks and a greying polo shirt you had to sniff) as you bust a bollock trying not to be late, again. 

4. Phonics seems like the most cock-arsed way of doing things until you realise your child has developed the tools to start reading themselves. Which, after a year, is pretty marvellous. (Just don’t attempt reading when either of you are tired – I nearly had a breakdown in the first term over Tim’s Din). 

5. Schools can’t get enough of Comic Sans, a font which most of us thought had died out at the turn of the century. I think they must use it because it makes the letters in the book bag seem friendly.*

6. Extracting info from your child about what they have been up to requires a snack bribe and/or Chinese water torture. It might as well be classified info. What the chuff do they do all day? The only information freely offered relates to school dinners - I can confirm that Henry has consumed upwards of 150 jacket potatoes since September. Oh and ‘school roast dinners are nicer than Mummy’s!’ Super.

7. There is no pride quite like the pride of watching your child in their first Nativity play or end of term dance performance.

8. There is also no guilt quite like missing Sports Day (sorry H-Bomb, Mummy had to work).

9. On the very last day of term your child will look like a giant compared to how they looked on day one. They will also have developed an attitude, a sassy eye-roll and quite possibly knowledge of 'naughty words'. ('Please don't call your brother a 'penis butt crack.')

10. Teachers have a bloody hard job and don't get enough credit. I will be forever grateful to the reception team in Henry’s class for taking care of him when he cried every morning and then, when he found his feet, for putting up with his daily renditions of Despacito. Respect of the highest order. 

If you are worried about your little one heading into school for the first time in September, please know that it will all be okay. You can see how emotionally charged I was the day before Henry started school and we have lived to tell the tale.  

*MY MIND HAS BEEN BLOWN by the response to this question! It seems Comic Sans is widely used by schools because it has the right form of letters e.g. the 'a' kids learn when reading and writing. So there you go. I promise not to wince at it in future ;-)

33 comments:

  1. As a youngish teacher (30 - not that young really ;)) I feel like the parents are waiting to give me in trouble at parents' evenings! At least you know, it's a two way thing :)

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  2. Comic sans: hate it, but it has the right form of letters e.g. the 'a' they learn when reading and writing doesn't have that extra curve on top (not many fonts have the right a&g). Must be easier to keep that one default. ☺
    Our school has a special website/app/platform that allows teachers to post pictures, love it because then we can see what he's been doing and spark a conversation.

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    1. There are HEAPS of other fonts that have "right form" of letters. Shows just how little schools know about fonts. ;-)

      Mind you, I don't really care, they've got much bigger fish to fry and they have all my respect.

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  3. My school has a special font with correctly formed letters so we can all avoid using comic sans. Thank. The. Lord. I can't take it.

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  4. COMIC SANS!!!!!! There is at least one other font that has the simpler "a". The sooner all schools find it, the better.

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  5. Infant Sassoon ( I am a sad teacher) x

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    1. Berlin sans fb demi does too

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  6. And the g. Mine are still writting g backwards due to their spellings being written in times new roman

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  7. Ah yes, that letter a. The one that is formed in a way that is written by no one in the world. How useful!

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  8. I dislike Comic Sans because I feel like it is massively overused. It actually grates on me every time i see it (and I'm a Primary Teacher!!).

    I didn't used to mind the occasional use of it due to some of the letter formations (a, g etc) but not all the letters (e.g I don't like that the 't' doesn't have a curl). I have seen some Headteachers use it on letters home to Parents and I think it looks unprofessional.
    I prefer Sassoon Primary for the children and a normal standard font such as Arial looks better for letters home.

    P.S -I agree with most other things in your post, as well as with Lee who said Teachers can have a tough time with *some* parents on Parent's evening too.

    Well done for surviving Henry's first year, looking forward to seeing what you think of Year 1!!

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  9. LOOOOL yep, you got them all down to a T... number 6 kills me especially: 'Luisa, what did you do at school today, hun?' 'Dunno... can't remember, mummy...' And number 3... I nearly sent her in today with a pinny that she had cut a hole in with a pair of scissors... ended up sending her in the only clean, not creased pinny I had available, from last year when she was at nursery (stuffed turkey mode on)!!

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  10. This is worth a read:

    https://www.parent.co/30-questions-to-ask-your-kid-instead-of-how-was-your-day/

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  11. As a graphic designer I can confirm there is a world of fonts out there. Do childrens books use comic sans... hell no! Why because it is awful. An expensive private nursery I visited had all their promotional brochure in comic sans, it looks unprofessional. When my child starts school and I have to see comic sans on a regular basis I am going to struggle!

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  12. yes infant sassoon. I don't like the 't' in comic sans.

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  13. It's also used as dyslexic people will tend to find it easier to read. I personally hate it but that's why I use it in school.

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  14. Sassoon is a much better font but costly so I use comic sans.

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    1. Sassoon can be downloaded for free...

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  15. I too hate parents evenings- always think I'm going to get told off by parents! I'm sure there are less nerve wracking ways do them. Thank you for a lovely acknowledgement of your little boy's teaching team. Btw it's dreadful for us too when our/your children cry and we spend all year hoping we are doing the best we can for them. And our (dis)organisation goes that way over the year too. I've lost count of how many jumpers/polo shirts/cardigans I've had to do the sniff test to as names have worn off over the year. I hope you and Henry have a super summer.

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  16. Because of the weighting of the heavier strokes at the bottom of the characters, many dyslexics find comic sans doesn't 'rotate' as badly as other fonts.

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  17. Because of the heavier weighting at the bottom of letters dyslexic readers find comic sans doesn't rotate and flip left to right as badly as other fonts. Many schools also use a specifically designed dyslexic friendly font but it is very hard to get it to format onto documents due to the size and spacing restrictions of the font, so comic sans is a good half measure.

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  18. Comic sans is used as it's dyslexia friendly.

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  19. Definitely a difference from Sept to July in myself as a parent and a teacher! As for a font, can't stand comic says, I always use Berlin sans as we don't have the luxury of sassoon.

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  20. As a single parent of 2 children I think it's even harder for us because we deal with the entirety of school alone an we don't ever get any credit so some would be appreciated by schools and others

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  21. I'm a teacher and I hate comic sans too, but it's the most dyslexic friendly font there is. So I use it. Once you have seen how much kids can struggle to keep up unless it's in that font it's worth it

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  22. With my boy having just this week finished year 2, I still get less info about his day than the blood from a stone.
    I've come to the conclusion that the M.I.B have got their enhanced DBS and stand at that door prior to the 3:15 release.

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  23. I work in a primary school office and would never dream of sending any letters home in comic sans.

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  24. Great post Sarah.... I look forward to a future post about parent playground politics and the dreaded PTA.... when I finish being a school governor I will right a post about being one I think ..... subject to legal advice lol

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  25. Ahh the missing stuff guilt. This week I missed sports day and primary leavers assembly because I was being sick (pregnancy infection). The guilt is like no other. Just bawled my eyes out at the DVD they put together from nursery up yr 6 😭

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  26. No6..... I resorted to "tell me 3 things that were good at school today and one of them can't be your lunch!"

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  27. Why hasn't anyone written a sit com about the school playground and whispers .....the P. T. A.

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  28. The Jelly and Bean Book - Dog on a Log was very nearly launched across my living room on more than one occasion :) And as for gleaning information about the school day, I had to ban 'running races' as an option for the best thing done at school today!!!

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  29. Our school has a special handwriting font which we had to upload on to Microsoft office! All letters and forms go out in this font! It's also in joined form, mimics the handwriting policy to a T! No more comic sans, move away from the comic sans!!! We use handwriting called upstrokes! Look that one up!

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